Set up by Sophie over at One Unique, Huddle and Cuddle is a campaign to help raise awareness of mental health issues by using the means of social media. Influencers have teamed up to help this campaign and to spread the word, allowing people to never feel alone by sharing their experiences with you. Huddle and Cuddle wants people to get involved by talking to people, whether it be an influencer, family member or a helpline about their thoughts and challenges they may come across.
Last month, March 2018, I had a lot of breakdowns and a lot of negative thoughts.
We have to make two research papers, one in Filipino and one in English. We finished our paper first in Filipino because I absolutely had no problem with my groupmates- we were six on the group but of course, there are still some of my groupmates who doesn’t help and it sucks. I badly want to remove their names from the paper but I can’t because they are also my friend- yeah, I hate these kind of situations. Anyway, we successfully finished our Filipino research paper in time and we successfully defended the paper as well.
Then here comes the problem, our English research paper. The topic is different with the Filipino paper even though they are both qualitative researches. Our first supposed participants in the English paper are psychiatrists and honestly, we’ve travelled far from home to get to interview some psychiatrists but there’s just none willing to have some interview. We started looking for participants December 2017, and it was March, and we still don’t have any participants yet.
I was like. Fudge, how are we gonna finish this freaking paper?
March 19, we were supposed to pass the paper already. Another problem was my groupmates, honestly, some of them doesn’t help— not ever, not once! First week of March, we were trying to tell our teacher that we don’t have any participants yet and we needed to change. So we tried to consult her about special education teachers but she declined because the research about that topic was already done by other students. And now we were forced to think of other participants again, and then we thought of psychometricians- and she approved. Finally.
We were 5 on the group, 4 girls and 1 guy. The 4 of us started doing chapters 1 to 3 right after our teacher approved psychometrician as our participant.
And eventually I was feeling so tired.
During the first two weeks of March, I did nothing but to stare at my laptop and do the freaking research paper. I was tired- and we still haven’t finished coding up to the point that I stay up to 4 am and had to wake up at 5:30 to go to school. Like what the hell? I’ve freaking never done that before and I need sleep! And it wasn’t the only subject that I need to focus on to, there are also summative exams that week and freak, the following week was our freaking finals.
And I was internally being hysterical.
What if I don’t finish the papers on time? What if I don’t freaking pass this subject?
And then there were a lot of thoughts. And then I was breaking down. At school. In front of my classmates.
Another thing was that my best friend, Rhaine, was having problems with herself and she kept calling me and crying and telling me how she feels. Picture the situation, I was in front of my laptop, and I was on the phone with my best friend and I was still doing the research paper. I was so freaking tired. So freaking tired.
And then I started crying. Two consecutive days, I had breakdowns- still at school and I’ve said the things that I never wanted to say. I just wanted to get some sleep- freaking 8 hour sleep- why couldn’t I? Some teachers notice how unwell our class is already and some of them stopped giving us requirements but still, there are deadlines and we need to pass all our projects- not just the freaking research papers.
The point of this post?
It’s to tell you that you may have all the deadlines and you may have to do a lot of revisions and you may undergo through mental breakdowns but I assure you, you are going to get through it.
I never thought that I will finish all the tasks and now here I am, enjoying the summer with all the things and people I love around me.
You might be in difficult situations now, and you may have a lot of negative thoughts, but try to turn things and think the other way around. You can do it, you can get through your year level and you will get to enjoy your break as long as school’s done and you’ve passed everything. It’s a long way process but it’s still meant to teach you and make you realise that you can do things, without you knowing it.
And if you’re anxious and depressed enough to think that you’re gonna finish all the school work, do some calm breathing, take a break, drink some water and continue doing your tasks.
You can do it. I believe in you.
If you want more articles pertaining to mental health, you can find one at Huddle and Cuddle where other bloggers tackle about their experiences and share some tips as well.
Anyway I really hope you liked this post. Writing about my experience is one of my favourite posts to write ever. Thank you so much for reading and I hope you guys would have a lovely week ahead! Happy Monday! ❤