Guest Posts

Guest Post: What Having No Control Feels Like and What You Can Do About It

Hello everyone and welcome to my blog! I am so excited to publish this post today because it is so informative and relatable! These past few days, I’ve been feeling so out of control and I am so glad that the lovely Elle from Unpopular Opinions wrote this to share with you all. All her links will be down below so be sure to check it out! Now, let’s read her article about how having no control feels like and what we can do about it. Enjoy!

Sometimes when people feel like everything that happens in their life goes out of their control, they either want to give up, throw a tantrum, or exhibit actions that are self-destructive. Meanwhile, there are also people who can’t help being in control. They love fixing something or someone they can’t, love doing all the things the way they want to because they feel like things would go bad out of their control.

And then, there are some who’re just so busy they don’t even notice the things that happen in their life; the things they have power over. These people are like human robots who let themselves be washed away by the raging currents of life.

Regardless of which type of shoes fits you among these three, it’s sad to say that people don’t usually give a cent about this anymore. I mean, whatever, right? Whatever floats our boat day by day. There are far more important things we have to do, problems we have to solve, and events we have to spend time on, rather than contemplating how life has been treating us.

However, did you know that ignoring the situations and opportunities that surround you affects your well-being, and that your mind is the reason why you don’t realize this? Let’s try and discuss what having no control feels like and why it negatively impacts our life.

What Does Losing Control Really Feel Like?

The feeling of losing a sense of control may come from two different ways. It’s essential that you know what their difference is. They may come from naturally uncontrollable things, and things that we think are out of our control, but in reality, it isn’t. Either way, both situations can decrease your sense of control.

(A) You may feel like nothing’s ever really happening much in your life because you think that you can’t do much.

(B) You may feel powerless in some situations that you want to take over.

The difference between the two sets of situations is that you can actually do something about letter A. But because of how our minds usually work, both sets of situations may make you feel out of control too. What you don’t realize is that instead of you taking over what you can do in a day, you let other factors decide how you can live your life and you think that it’s out of your control.

Sometimes, this is what not being in control feels like. It’s usually a very subtle uneasy feeling due to some events in your life that you think either happens out of your control or happens normally, but can actually be controlled by you, and you don’t realize it instantly. Some feelings are:

  •  wanting to do something but you can’t (or you think you can’t)
  •  you feel like nothing right is ever happening in your life and you can’t do something about it.
  •  passively letting things flow and happen around you.
  •  not being able to stand up or speak up for yourself
  • not being able to let out your emotions
  • letting people treat you however they want to.

More importantly, having no sense of control is about not being able to do a lot of things with your OWN INTENTION. It’s kind of like living in the same manner day by day.

And believe me that subtle uneasy feeling builds up and the longer it keeps going, the more you may feel like your life is wasting.

Your Habits Are Wired To Lead You Mindless

Like a normal person gets through the day, you probably won’t have the time to think about these things. We are strongly set up in our own ways that we no longer need to think about a lot of things before we do them. Those moments in between that seem with no importance don’t need much of our attention.

If those busy people take time to think about how they’ve been doing and how life has been treating them, I’m sure some of them might see that there are those days when they feel like they could’ve have done something worthwhile and different, but instead they went by their normal routine and in the end it doesn’t feel much of an accomplishment.

This is the reason why we lose control over what happens around us. Those opportunities for us to do something with intention are clouded by how we automatically play out our everyday life.

Our habits don’t require much willingness or willpower to do. They are very convenient yet they can lead you mindless about your actions. This is why establishing a good and healthy habit is important.

How Does This Affect You and Your Well-Being?

Doing things mindlessly and ignoring the signs that tell you’re losing control affects your mind and builds unhealthy habits. These may manifest in your every day routine, your workplace, and your attitude. Basically, this greatly impacts how you spend the rest of your life.

Your mental, emotional, and even physical health can be a big risk if you don’t find the effort and initiative to change your habits and gain control over your life again. Sometimes, your mind fools you and tells you that it’s harmless, you’re okay, nothing bad is really happening.

Maybe you’re right, but our minds’ strongest intuitions about our well-being are often misleading. What we deem normal, okay, and harmless most of the time isn’t really true. Our minds make these shortcuts that we lose our attention to those minor details that unknowingly impact our well-being in the long run.

Our habits are what shape us and our character. If you happen to be a man who just shrugs everything off and isn’t bothered being out of control, you might find it hard to be happy with your life. You may lose your confidence, your motivation to succeed in whatever your plan is, and in worst cases, you may lose your reasons to live your life because you feel like nothing’s ever going your way.

It may be too much but try to think of the worst possible thing that could happen if you don’t start doing what you can actually do, and be responsible for how you live your life.

How does being in control feel like?

To say that you are in control doesn’t necessarily mean that you always do the things you want to do. Being in control means that you somehow make room for what you think about, what your decisions would be, and basically making yourself involved in the events that happen around you and in your life. Being in control may feel like:

  • you can freely express your emotions
  • you have your own opinions and you voice them out
  • you don’t fear expressing yourself or speaking for yourself anymore
  • being able to do things with confidence and having confidence in yourself
  • being able to intentionally do something and becoming aware of it
  • being aware that you did something that you know will benefit you
  • being able to trust yourself with your decisions in life.

To put it simply, having control is giving space for your own decisions, opinions, perspectives, beliefs, and having a say about what’s happening in your life.

There are things you can and can’t control.

You can differentiate the things that happen around you based on their nature. For example, life circumstances like accidents, God’s will, scientific phenomena like the weather, unusual events, and other people, are usually out of your control.

Personal circumstances, on the other hand, can be controlled by you if you establish the right mindset. I’m sure you can get that dream house to an extent possible if you know how to rewire your mind into achieving success.

I know it’s sometimes hard to accept. Sometimes life sucks and you can’t do anything about it. That’s why it’s important to understand that there are things that you can and can’t control.

You should be aware of the things that you encounter and the reasons why they happen. Understanding how it all works can help you decide if a situation is in or out of your control.

The good thing about it is that we are responsible for ourselves. Even if there are situations that go out of hand, we are fully capable of driving our way out of those situations. We can help ourselves gain control over our life and that can be a powerful thing to do, if you ask me.

There are a lot of successful people that use their minds and the things they can control to live their life successfully, happily, and according to their own ways. They use what they can at their advantage to get the things that they want and need in life.

What Can You Do To Those Situations You Have No Control Over

The truth is, you can’t really do much about it. It’s out of your control. There are, however, a LOT MORE things you can do about how you feel towards those uncontrollable situations. There are many things you can do whenever you feel like you’re not in control. Here are some of them:

  • Don’t Think About The “What Ifs” – thinking about “what ifs” isn’t helpful! You only lose energy thinking about some stuff that didn’t even happen. Clearly, “what ifs” are out of your control. It doesn’t help you establish your power if you keep wondering about those things out of your reach.
  • Determine the things you can control – Instead of hurting over the things you can’t control, focus your energy on those you can. Doing so will attract positive energy and determination over the things you can do with your life.
  • Establish a strong mindset – An unwavering positive mindset can be very helpful. If you have a strong mindset, you can get away from those bad situations easily and get back on track, becoming in control again. Establishing a strong mindset can be formed through positive mantras, meditation, self-assessments, that you can easily do every day.
  • Change your habits and behaviors – It’s very crucial to change your unhelpful habits that make you lose control of things. This will help you build new ones that can actually be helpful.
  • Challenge your automatic mind – Challenge your mind to do things differently every day. This can help boost self-confidence and form new purposes in life. Those things that you always do—try and improve them.

Instead of having coffee first thing in the morning, why not take a shower? Instead of taking the bus, take a different route when you go to work. These simple things that you do deliberately can help you realize that there are a lot of things you can do.

  • Learn to trust yourself – The reason why people lack a sense of control is because they don’t trust themselves enough to know that they can actually gain control. Believe in yourself that you have the power to change your game plan, your mindset and your life. It takes work but trust that all things will go your way if you decide them to.
  • Understand How Acceptance Works – For situations out of your control, accept them. Embrace all the uncertainty that comes to your life because you can learn from those. Make peace with the things out of your control by reading these 5 steps to understand acceptance.
  • Tune In to Yourself – You are all you need, to do all these things. Focus on what you can do, on what you love, on your passions, and always assert. Because sometimes, in order to realize things, you just have to go ahead and catch up with yourself. From time to time, ask yourself, are you able to do the things you want? Do you feel in control? Save some of your time catching up on yourself.

Practice Gratitude – Above all else, take some time to be grateful. For both things you can and can’t do. This will teach you to take responsibility. Being responsible will push you to become the sailor of your own boat.

Author Background

Name: Elle
Website: Unpopular Opinions (
Short description: Elle is a Filipina student blogger who’s dedicated to finding happiness, and achieving well-being, in her life. She practices and blogs about mindfulness, self-development, and life teachings in general. Her website, Unpopular Opinions, is a safe space for individuals to share, relate, and navigate through their thoughts and feelings. Unpopular Opinions is somewhere focused on the in-betweens, the road less-traveled, the unnoticeable, and the unspeakable truths about the wonderful things in the world relating to life, happiness, spirituality, and many more.

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Thank you so much again for this very informative and helpful article, Elle! To everyone reading this, I hope this can help you as much as it helped me. Go check out Elle’s blog, surely you won’t regret visiting!

Check out other guest posts here. If you want to write for my blog, contact me here. Also, I am open in doing commissions for illustrations. Check out my commission sheet.

Please stay safe, wherever you are! 🙂

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  1. Been so excited about this too! 💕 Thank you so much for this remarkable opportunity to write for your blog, Jirah. Kinikilig ako. Hahaha Cheers and more power to you blog! ☺️💕

    1. Thank you so much for your contribution, Elle! Ako ‘yung super kinikilig huhu super grateful! Salamat. 🙂 More power din sa blog mo! x

  2. such a timely post!
    when you are out of control, things can spiral up quickly and before you realize, they will start controlling you.
    so many valuable points here.
    thanks for sharing. Awesome read.

    1. Thank you so much! I agree with that so much. I’ve experienced it these past few weeks and it feels so awful! Thank you so much for reading!

  3. Great article. We should all heed these thoughts

    1. Thank you so much! Elle really did a great job in this article!

  4. Great post and a good read this made my day!! kudos to you and Elle!!

    1. Thank you so much for reading!

  5. Great post! This is super informative and helpful!

    1. Thank you so much, JoJo! Glad this could help!

Let me know your thoughts!